dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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