Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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