i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
