i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
