I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
