Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
