at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
