Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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