1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
