I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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