We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
