stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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