Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
