i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
