my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
