We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
