White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
