opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
