I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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