I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
