My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
