You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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