And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
