they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
