she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
