do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
