I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
