College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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