I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
