the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
