ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
