GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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