Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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