I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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