Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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