So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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