I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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