my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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