i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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