No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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