If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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