awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
