last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
