I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
