you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
