i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
