SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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