fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
