two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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