the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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